During last month's supervision session, I wrote down this principal - "In developing self, one must be aware of the level of anxiety within the system to determine one's best approach of relating to it." There is nothing like personal experience to validate a principle and increase understanding! Last evening during a conversation with a family member, I made a statement that resulted in "shut down." Before learning Bowen Theory, my response to the shut down would have been to distance from the situation. Now, however, I saw two opportunities. One was, of course, to develop self and the other being an opportunity to decrease the level of anxiety within the system. The first thing that happened was an "ah ha" moment. The subject principle gained from supervision became crystal clear. I considered my statement - was it rational...thoughtful? My statement was rational, but not thoughtful - not thoughtful in the sense that my timing was off. I did not take into consideration the level of anxiety within the system before relating to it. I then had to ask myself what interfered with my inattentiveness to the level of anxiety? It was my own anxiety!!! Ha! So now what? I have a choice. I can choose to distance from the family member or I can relate to this family member from my intellect. I chose the latter. Relating to another from the intellect sounds cold and indifferent on the surface but in reality, this gave me courage to go back into the system and relate to my family member with more understanding, without judgement, and non-defensively. Thus... differentiation! And the result... the level of anxiety decreased and communication is open again!
Thank you to all of you who have tirelessly worked to bring BTEC to Chattanooga. I am looking forward to our next time together.
* Replaced this test post with Tanya's comments. The original comment thread is still included to retain the context. - Lee
During last month's supervision session, I wrote down this principal - "In developing self, one must be aware of the level of anxiety within the system to determine one's best approach of relating to it." There is nothing like personal experience to validate a principle and increase understanding! Last evening during a conversation with a family member, I made a statement that resulted in "shut down." Before learning Bowen Theory, my response to the shut down would have been to distance from the situation. Now, however, I saw two opportunities. One was, of course, to develop self and the other being an opportunity to decrease the level of anxiety within the system. The first thing that happened was an "ah ha" moment. The subject principle gained from supervision became crystal clear. I considered my statement - was it rational...thoughtful? My statement was rational, but not thoughtful - not thoughtful in the sense that my timing was off. I did not take into consideration the level of anxiety within the system before relating to it. I then had to ask myself what interfered with my inattentiveness to the level of anxiety? It was my own anxiety!!! Ha! So now what? I have a choice. I can choose to distance from the family member or I can relate to this family member from my intellect. I chose the latter. Relating to another from the intellect sounds cold and indifferent on the surface but in reality, this gave me courage to go back into the system and relate to my family member with more understanding, without judgement, and non-defensively. Thus... differentiation! And the result... the level of anxiety decreased and communication is open again!
ReplyDeleteThank you to all of you who have tirelessly worked to bring TBEC to Chattanooga. I am looking forward to our next time together.
correction - BTEC
ReplyDeleteTanya,
ReplyDeleteGreat learning. My supervisor at Georgetown once said that his test of learning was how well the student applied the theory to his/her life.